Seeing Beyond the Likes: Ditching Social Currency for Well-being

Jun 24, 2022

Social Media

Sitting on my hard bunk bed in the middle of a hostel in the heart of Taichung, Taiwan, I took a deep breath and clicked ‘delete.’ In the blink of an eye, I became invisible to the world. My likes, my “friends”, my entire identity suddenly vanished. And yet as I sat in the uncomfortable aftereffects, wondering what people would think, if they would even care, I felt a peace wash over me.

It Wasn’t Me

I hadn’t intended to go dark while on my first solo trip to the other side of the world. I wanted to be a travel blogger. And that meant social media, as has become required for all who wish to make an impression on the world. But it was this very experience that brought the clarity I needed. Every time I sat to write a post, update my status, or upload a picture, I felt inadequate. Every post and photo was a performance. Would I get likes? Would someone comment? What could I post that people would envy or admire? It wasn’t me. It was never me. Just as every page I visited wasn’t a real person. It was a carefully crafted scrapbook of only the best and most admirable in this person’s life. The person they want the world to see. It was fake. I was fake. And I couldn’t handle it anymore.

So what is so wrong with showing the world the person we want them to see? After all, we choose our clothes, our jobs, our cars, all considering (at least a little) what the world will think of us. We want to put our best foot forward, and there isn’t anything wrong with that. But as you read this, you will recall how you feel about your own social media pages. Who is the person on the page? Is it really you? And what about your friends, family, coworkers, etc.? When you visit their pages, do you think you’re getting the full picture? If you feel like every post is a competition, you’re absolutely right.

Every time I would visit, the happy smiles, the vacation tans, the new job announcements and baby pictures, would overwhelm me. Why was everyone having so much fun except me? Why did everyone seem happy 24/7 but me? Why does everyone else have it so together, EXCEPT ME?? Do these feelings sound familiar? Take heart, you are not alone. Depression and anxiety rates have risen drastically as a result of social media usage. Most of us would simply scroll. Scroll through the perfect lives, the accomplishments, the pride and joy, and then either scramble to post something equally enviable, or simply collapse into our shame and continue scrolling.

Social media was designed for addiction. And humans have always been taught to keep the negative inside. These two truths result in a truly damaging pastime. This is especially true for teens and young adults, the biggest user group. Granted, Snapchat and Instagram have slightly changed the social media game, but whether you use Facebook or not, all of these apps display only a fraction of someone’s life. We don’t see the full story, the filters, the pain. We don’t see the hours of exercise, hear about the six failed job interviews, the original hair dye accident, and the more consistent poor grades. We don’t know about the constant camera angle changes, the dozen abandoned outfits in the corner, or the tear stained pillow. This is the part we forget when we go to social media. We forget these are real people, with real lives and real problems. They are just like you. JUST LIKE YOU.

My solution was to bounce. I’ve come to learn social media is much harder to go without, now that everything seems connected to it. Now I use it for business and networking, and that’s it. I’ll never go back to a 100% personal profile. I’ll use social media as a tool, but refuse to get sucked into its twisted game. This doesn’t have to be your solution. You could try posting more honestly, visiting less often, or simply reminding yourself about the truths you aren’t seeing. With every photo, there is a hidden zit (or twelve!). With every vacation, there was so much stress and yelling (especially if children are involved). With every successful promotion or job, there were unsuccessful attempts and readjustments. Remember to look for the truth, and you can remove the fake filter in your mind.

If you’re on the fence about leaving, I recommend a retreat. Take a week, if you’re an avid user. A month, if you’re an average user. Go on a social media fast. Turn off all notifications and even remove them from your phone’s homescreen. Then simply see how you feel. Journaling daily or weekly can help process these feelings. At first, you might feel alone. But you might also feel relief. When people aren’t looking at you, there is no reason to pretend, to perform. And if you’re young, social media has likely been a part of your life for longer than it hasn’t. This might be tougher for you. Which is why we start with a small fast, nothing permanent. And yet, it might be later. Because once you feel like a valuable individual, without the need of approval from your peers, you’ll want to hold onto that feeling. Once you get some space, the way you think of your life will change. Suddenly you’ll stop analyzing every picture you take. You’ll stop seeing your life in terms of impressive posts. You’ll stop caring about things that don’t matter (likes, shares, comments). Imagine the extra brain power we could access! Even moreso, if we stopped living for others, and started living for ourselves! Leaving social media or using it in a healthier way won’t magically accomplish this, unfortunately. Living for ourselves may be a lifelong challenge (but maybe not – ask me in ten years.) But this is a baby step anyone can manage.

Social media should be a tool, nothing more. It isn’t an obligation, and it isn’t so valuable that your own self-worth and mental health should be compromised with continued use. We have a choice, even when it doesn’t feel like it. You have a choice how you use social media, if you use it at all. If it isn’t making you happy, change something. I know, easier said than done. But with social media, it’s easier than you think. I promise.

What are your thoughts on the harmful effects of social media? How have you struggled using it? Do you want to leave or take a break? Have you left already? Leave a comment that someone else needs to read. Be real, be vulnerable, be human.

Reclaim Yourself In Circle

Stop struggling! Your Inner child is calling out for some attention. Remember what you enjoyed doing as a child, foods you loved, and places you liked. Then give yourself that enjoyment. Take it to the next level by bringing her out in circle! 

About Me

About Me

I’m Shelby! A proud Ex-Mormon, psychonaut, animal lover, chai drinker, rain dancer, and sacred space facilitator. I hope to see you at the next circle! Contact me if you’d like individual space holding – I’m here for YOU!

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