How long have you been out of your religion? Are you frustrated that you aren’t 100% recovered? Are you sad that you feel like you’re still struggling with the issues of faith deconstruction? Are you still living from self-limiting beliefs and religious programming? Yeah – me too.
The truth is- this shit takes time. Ultimately, these issues are not resolved overnight. They aren’t even resolved in a year. We are completely uprooting our understanding of our world and ourselves. We are scraping it all out and laying brand new ground! Not only are we starting over, but we’re adults! We aren’t starting from scratch, we first have to undo all of the unhelpful programming and beliefs. Then we have to plant new ones, and then actively live from these new beliefs. This requires us to be 100% conscious. But since we usually operate 95% from the unconscious, we backslide. And we backslide often.
And that’s completely okay!
Growth Happens When We Stop Watching
We are taking this journey one. day. at. a. time! For each step forward, we may take two steps back. It’s frustrating. I know! But remember where you’re coming from. Remember that your poor child self was lied to, broken down, and controlled. She learned to operate in the world incorrectly. She learned to see herself as faulty, as wrong, as in need. This poor little girl doesn’t deserve judgement and criticism, she deserves compassion and love. She deserves patience and understanding. She did not choose these beliefs. YOU did not choose these beliefs.
But you are choosing to undo this damage and plant new beliefs. This is incredibly brave and admirable. If you can’t love yourself for that, what will you love yourself for? You’re doing the hardest work you can. You are reclaiming yourself! You are choosing who you want to be in this world. This is an uphill battle as we are learning who we are and what we believe- things we THOUGHT we knew! These are things we learn as children, and we thought we had! Do you realize how incredibly difficult it is to do what you are doing?
Woman, please! PLEASE go easier on yourself! Take a moment to show yourself some respect and see yourself with wonder. We know how truly difficult this is, because we have family who can’t hack it. This is an incredibly difficult road we’re on. But we aren’t alone. And we can’t expect perfection on day one.
Self-Awareness is Key
Take it one day at a time. Recognize your daily growth. Even when we slide back, when we notice this slide, THIS is the true growth. It’s the self-awareness we’re getting better at. So don’t beat yourself up when you realize you’re following old programming or repeating negative habits. You can only change this way of being once you become aware. So thank yourself each time you remember your truth. Each time you become more self-aware and more present to how you want to be. Years ago, you never would have stopped to question these beliefs. So just stopping to recognize is HUGE!
I get it. I’m ready to be fully transformed and healed too. But honestly, I think this goal is part of what is holding me back, and maybe you too. I still look at myself like I need to heal and be different, forgetting that this view of myself is exactly what’s helping to hold me back. I’m still looking at myself the way religion looks at me: as not enough. I still see myself as broken. When the fact is, I’m far more whole than I ever was in religion. And the truth is, I see myself through a much softer lens without all the religious rules.
But I forget.
I forget to go easy on myself, forget to be patient, forget how far I’ve actually come, forget all the subtle healing I’m undergoing. I still demand perfection, and it’s hurting me. I forget how long I was under religious influence, forget I was an infant when my indoctrination began. How could I expect such drastic change? Why would I expect myself to be able to simply drop unconscious beliefs and programming? Because I’m still operating from that programming. It’s quite the conundrum. In order for me to let go of the programming, I must let myself develop naturally and love whatever is. Sounds counter-intuitive, but actually, it’s the only action that meets these harmful beliefs with love, allowing us to feel safe enough to actually drop them. Love is an exact counter to the belief that we aren’t good enough. And love is actually the hardest things we can do for ourselves. It’s not change we seek, it’s love.
What We Really Need is Love
If we focus only on change, then we are actually harming ourselves. We are telling ourselves that we are STILL not good enough as we are. We are beating ourselves up for not being healed, for not being perfect. Is that in any way better than how your high-demand religion made you feel? Nope. It’s just as harmful. How could you really grow under this judgmental eye?
We must go at it from a different angle. We must see ourselves with love and acceptance as we are, and there is where true change happens.
Go slow babe. Each day you grow a little more. Remember that you are not alone. You are not just an ex-religious woman, you are a sovereign woman. Your former religion does NOT define you. You are defining yourself every day. So each day, don’t ask yourself if you’re healed from religious trauma. Instead, ask yourself, who you want to be today? How do you want to show up for yourself? What thoughts do you want to think? How do you want to feel?
You Are In Control Now
YOU are in control now, even when we have our subconscious running the show often. Being conscious of our subconscious is HUGE, it’s not about controlling it. We can’t control our subconscious, but we can be aware, and plant new beliefs into it. When our old programming crops up, we must meet it with love. This is the loveable part of you that is stuck in these harmful beliefs. The part that you’re excavating and breathing new life into. Let her remind you that she still exists and is still growing, but is still in pain.
Love her. She needs you. And take it one day at a time.
To get the most out of these messages, I invite you to join the next live circle, happening every Sunday! Come reclaim patience after religion, along with so much more.
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