I’m a tomboy.

I used to announce this as though it were something to be proud of. And usually, I was.

I didn’t like dresses, or babies, or cooking, or makeup, or shopping, or any of the “girly” activities I was presented with as a child. My mother was also a self-proclaimed “tomboy” which I naturally took as a sign that this was the preferred title.

Shunning the Feminine

So I shunned the feminine. Which was extra difficult for me as I was growing up in a fundamentalist religion/cult (Mormonism), in which I, as a woman, had a VERY specific and very “special” role: making babies and keeping the family on the right path.

Is it any wonder I shunned the feminine? I thought it was just about being the docile, subservient slave to man, about looking pretty and being quiet, about being a baby machine, etc.

Re-approaching the Feminine

It’s 2022, and I’m only NOW starting to re-approach the feminine with curiosity. Considering the western, patriarchal religion I grew up under, it’s not a wonder to me. There was no Divine Feminine, in fact there was nothing especially powerful about women.

It was only after leaving religion several years ago that I learned that the very first human spiritual practices were earth-based and female-led. (How far we’ve come!) Women were priestesses, shamans, and medicine women. We were the Wise Women with the answers. We helped people journey into the land of their subconscious to bring back nuggets of wisdom. Women of old knew medicine plants to keep their communities healthy, physically and mentally. We were in touch with our “woman’s intuition.”

Women were Earth goddesses!

It was Woman — with an internal cycle explicitly linked to the cycles of the moon, that had the great connection to Earth, to ‘spirit’, to life. We hold the seeds of all the life we could potentially bear, seeds of life that merely need to be pollinated. Think about that. I don’t even want children and I’m stunned by that power and connection.

As I try to come back to the Feminine, I’m trying to remember the value in balance. It is not that feminine is better. Neither strength nor softness is better, but balance is the goal. I need not abandon masculine traits as I seek to strengthen my feminine ones. And as I soften, slow, and strive for stillness, I’m seeing the subtle value to this that has been unfortunately missed by the Western world. It is in stillness and softness that growth happens, healing happens. Without this part, we’re just striving, never sitting to relish in our accomplishments, never letting our work take shape.

The feminine is what I’ve been missing, and I’m stunned to hear myself utter the words. So while I recognize that makeup and curling irons may not be for me, the feminine is absolutely for me. Honoring the Feminine doesn’t necessarily mean being “girly,” though it can! But for all my “tomboy” sisters out there, I want to speak to you. The feminine isn’t something to shun. I recommend trying a few “feminine” activities to ease you into this new understanding of “feminine”

Activities to begin Reclaim the Feminine:

Go for activities that create softness, stillness, and pleasure. They should support feeling (senses, emotions, or body), surrender to the moment, and be intuitive. There is no doing it “wrong” or not “fast enough” or “worth doing.” One simple way is to be fully in your body.

Some examples to get you started:

• Bath (any water is feminine, but bubbles or a leisurely soak is best- rest, relax, play)
• Meditation (any type — the less force, the better.)
• Time in nature (just sit and be, notice your inner landscape reflected in nature)
• Art (any form of expressive art — paints, crayons, markers, stones, etc.)
• Dance (unstructured, free-style dance that is playful and wild)
• Play (any kind, for pleasure- games, pets, friends, toys, etc.)

Some embodiment activities can be challenging, as women are often cut off from their bodies. Start slow, focus on the sensations, and remember to use logic when false beliefs threaten. You can reclaim connection to your body in time.

Another easy way to reclaim the feminine is to join other women! This could mean joining a class, starting a girls’ night with your friends, or something like a sister circle! At Reclaim Circles, rebel women just like you gather to be held and heard. We share and process, we connect with our inner child and higher selves, we let go and move through, and we become more authentic and empowered, in whatever type of woman you are.

Women (esp. tomboys) Must Be the First to Reclaim the Feminine

Give the Feminine a fighting chance. The Western world did her wrong, and it’s up to us to reclaim the feminine. If we want balance in this world, equality between the sexes, then women must be the first to recognize and honor the feminine in themselves. If we respect it, treasure it, and value it, then we can make the rest of the world do the same.

Now, if it starts to feel fake or you begin to feel “lesser,” just remember that these beliefs about the feminine were planted by a work-obsessed culture. Remember what you were like as a child. Even as a tomboy child, I remember being able to wear dresses AND play in the mud. I remember picking flowers AND picking up bugs! As little girls, we were fierce little fireballs full of both masculine and feminine energies. Channel your inner little girl and she’ll never lead you astray.

Going forward, I’ll no longer use the term ‘tomboy’ and will strive to honor the feminine in my daily life and help others do the same. Join me as I reclaim the feminine!