If you were born a woman, odds are extremely high that you were raised as one. This means certain beliefs, values, expectations, etc. were forced upon you as a child, and have stuck with you all your life. These beliefs shaped how we saw the world and ourselves and they determined how we spent our time. And, as a woman, I can tell you exactly what values I was encouraged to have, and “playfulness” wasn’t anywhere on the list.

Among other traits, I was encouraged to be responsible, helpful, submissive, quiet, neat, and restrained. Like many girls. Playful, messy, rambunctious, wild = these were traits for boys only.

Hands up, ladies. Who was actually encouraged to play as a child/teen/young adult/adult? I’ll wait. Oh, a few of you in the back. But for most of us, yeah, that’s what I expected. “Play” was a frivolous thing, something only children could enjoy, specifically male children. Daughters were put into the kitchen, handed a sponge, or given their baby sibling before they could tie their own shoes. I know I was.

Why were girls given tasks and responsibilities so young? Why did we assume girls mature faster than boys? Who decided that girls have different needs than boys?

Newsflash: Girls only matured faster because we were forced to. We were asked to cook meals, clean up the house, look after children, impart wisdom to our siblings, and help mother with her tasks, all while doing well in school (if we were permitted to attend). But it seems this is a very different childhood than most boys, who spent time outside in the mud or playing with toys most of the time. I don’t remember my male friends, or even my brother, getting the responsibilities or expectations I had.

I’ll just say it: Women need to play just as much as men. Girls need to play just as much as boys. Play is not something frivolous or wasteful – it is vital to our development and well-being. And it’s high time we all accept this.

Just because women need play, doesn’t mean it’s easy for us. On the contrary, for many women, myself included, the act of “playing,” or doing something for the sheer pleasure and not because it is productive or beneficial in some way, is completely foreign. Many women have trouble sitting still, just watching TV or relaxing. They must be doing something. Many multi-task, listening to audiobooks while driving or exercising or cooking. Women have been trained to be little machines, always going. Play was never encouraged or expected, and so we have never learned to value play. Many of us see it as a “waste of time” or something for children.

This is heartbreaking and points to a drastic need for a play revolution. A playvolution?

Ladies – I’m going to tell you something you’ve likely never heard before. Ready?

Play is valuable, worthwhile, and vitally important to your ADULT wellbeing.

So how can us busy women reconnect with our playful side? How can we play more? How can we change our perspective of play?

One way: playing.

Damn – thought you could avoid it. Nope. The only surefire way of changing how you value play is by experiencing play and having the value change automatically. If you’ve never valued nature (another symptom of modern humanity), and then spend the day by the lake soaking in the stillness, you likely would experience a shift in this valuation. It’s the same with play. We need to do it to realize how important it is.

There are so many ways to play. So. Many. Ways. Off the top of my head…

• Play with art supplies: Paint a picture, color with crayons, make a doodle, whatever!
• Play with your pet: Grab a toy and play fetch or tug-o-war or chase each other!
• Play with nature: Swim in a lake, feed the ducks, make friends with a ladybug, make a collage!
• Play with water/food: Cook an intuitive meal, splash in the tub, try new foods!
• Play with your body: Dance, climb, roll on the floor, jump around, play an instrument!
• Play with your friends: Tell stories, do an activity, play a game!

You already know about those, you say? I figured. Reading this list sounds easy, but those are actually difficult if you’re not used to playing. So first, the important thing is to try to change your ideas around play. Here are 7 statements that you may disagree with, but I urge you to sit with them until you see the truth.

1. Play is necessary for learning
2. Play allows us to be in the moment
3. Play helps us accept mistakes and not hold onto specific outcomes
4. Play eases anxiety, stress, and depression symptoms
5. Play helps with expression and creativity
6. Play can help us process experiences and emotions
7. Play reveals passions, interests, and talents
8. Play unifies mind-body-spirit

These are big ideas to accept, so give yourself time. Remind yourself that play is important, necessary – not optional. Play was all we used as children to learn about the world and ourselves. Play brings us into the now, connecting us with passion and imagination. In true moments of play, we’ve all had at least one, the world seems to fade away – leaving only us and our activity. We don’t care about results or impressing others. Somehow emotions are processed, our problems lighten, and our tensions ease. In that moment, we are unified body-mind-spirit. Our bodies are in the moment, creating or engaging ourselves with the activity. While our minds are consumed with the activity, perhaps all unnecessary thoughts cease. Our spirit/soul, whatever you believe connects you to your higher source of creativity, love, and passion, is front and center.

Acting from this unity, is acting from authenticity, from love. We see this when an artist becomes “lost in their work,” they are in a whole different world than the rest of us. Sometimes they can’t see or hear what’s going on around them. They smile to themselves, maybe move their body in unique ways, perhaps seem full of energy. They seem childlike. This isn’t being a child, this is being our authentic selves. This trance artists (and children) lose themselves in is the very flow we’re searching for.

We can all return to our authentic, playful selves. We can all have these moments of pure absorption in play. But for women especially, this usually takes some work. We must first attempt to undo the damage society/religion/parents/school did, by first recognizing how we were taught to view play. Only when we recognize that this view of play didn’t originate with us, we can begin the process of reacquainting ourselves with play. And then it’s all about practice, practice, practice.

If you found yourself here because you’re trying to play more, I tip my hat to you. I never imagined playing would be so damn hard. I get it. Other women get it. But please, just because it feels like a waste of time, don’t do yourself the disservice of not even trying. You deserve to feel joy, to be in the moment, to nurture your creativity, to act from your authentic self.

You deserve to play. So play.