This may seem like a dumb question, but as someone who unknowingly grew up in a cult, I can tell you it’s definitely NOT a dumb question. No one in a cult knows they’re in a cult. Asking the question is brave, not dumb. And those who are brave enough to ask the question are those brave enough to let the answer change their beliefs.

Odds are there are some things about your religion that you don’t agree with. Perhaps how it makes you feel about yourself, or the rules it imposes on you. Perhaps you dislike all the mind control or the required funds to stay in good standing. Or perhaps you just have a sneaking suspicion that something doesn’t add up. Whatever the reason you’re here, you deserve to know the truth.

Before we identify what constitutes a cult, let’s first define religion and organized religion, as these are often lumped together but aren’t exactly the same.

Religion

Simply put, this is a system of faith or worship. These include many indigenous and folk religions such as traditional African and Native American religions, and some consider lifestyle religions as well, such as Hinduism and Buddhism (though I’m on the fence about this.) Oftentimes, there isn’t just one religion, and instead ideas and theories and philosophies are taken from all over. One Native American tribe doesn’t share the exact same beliefs as another. The similarities may include seeing things as sacred or holy, believing place and nature are important, and perhaps believing in a creator. It is loose, free to interpretation, open to other ideas, and meant to enhance life rather than dictate it.

An example of being religious may be thanking the bush for the blueberries you just picked, seeing them as a gift from the Earth. Or perhaps it is a ceremony done for coming of age youth, involving burning a sacred plant or going on a vision quest. It may mean praying for a lucky harvest, bowing to the life-giving sun each morning, or giving thanks for the animal you hunted.

Organized Religion

Let’s compare this to organized religion. This is where most of our well-known major world religions lie. Sometimes also referred to as institutional religion, these religions involve formally established and systematically arranged belief systems and rituals. They are characterized by official doctrine, or dogma, lists of rules and practices, and utilize some sort of hierarchical leadership structure.

Among many, these include all Abrahamic religions (Christianity, Judaism, Islam, etc.) as well as some schools of religious thought throughout Asia. Some also consider Hinduism, Confucianism, and Buddhism organized, given they tick some of the boxes, but many refer to them as simply a “way of life” or philosophy, and not something organized.

In general, these religions promise salvation in exchange for human sacrifice. This sacrifice may be money, time, resources, following rules, or any manner of suffering. There are strict guidelines to follow, and involve a form of “punishment” if they aren’t. Members believe their spiritual leaders are communicating with God and, as a result, can’t be questioned. Lastly, doctrine is hardly ever changed regardless of scientific evidence.

Cult

This is where religion’s controlling nature is on full-blast. Cult’s pick up where organized religions leave off, cranking up the severity and adding additional rules, fears, and mind control. Many have come and gone, like The People’s Temple, but others are still kicking and others still continue to creep up.

Some of the most well known (and still active) include:

• The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormonism)
• The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society (Jehovah’s Witness)
• The Church of Scientology
• The Christian Identity Movement (Klu Klux Klan/Aryan Nations).

It may or may not surprise you that all of these originated in the US. Which means, if you’re in the US, your odds of being in a cult are higher.

So what exactly makes them cults? The biggest sign of a cult is how power, control, and authority are exercised in the group. Psychiatrist Robert Jay Lifton, former Harvard Medical School teacher, once wrote a paper titled ‘Cult Formation’ in the early 1980s. In it, he listed three primary characteristics most commonly shared by destructive cults.

He writes:

1. A charismatic leader who increasingly becomes an object of worship as the general principles that may have originally sustained the group lose power. That is a living leader, who has no meaningful accountability and becomes the single most defining element of the group and its source of power and authority.
2. A process [of indoctrination or education is in use that can be seen as] coercive persuasion or thought reform [commonly called “brainwashing”]. The culmination of this process can be seen by members of the group often doing things that are not in their own best interest, but consistently in the best interest of the group and its leader.
3. Economic, sexual, and other exploitation of group members by the leader and the ruling coterie.

That’s a pretty solid and simple definition, but I’ve read about more things to look for, not only in the leader, but in the members. Here are the top 20 warning signs of unsafe groups (cults) and what to look for when evaluating your religion:

1. A group displaying an excessively zealous and unquestioning commitment to its leader, and regards his belief systems, ideology, and practices as the Truth, as law.
2. Questioning, critical thinking, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished.
3. The leadership dictates how members should think, act, and feel. Including changing jobs, choosing a spouse, selecting clothes to wear, deciding whether to have children, how the children should be disciplined, etc.)
4. The group is elitist, claiming a special exalted status for itself, its leaders, and it’s members.
5. The group has a polarized, us-versus-them mentality.
6. The leadership induces feelings of shame/guilt in order to influence and control members, as in through peer pressure or subtle forms of persuasion.
7. Joining the group requires cutting ties to family and friends outside the group, and radically altering personal goals, activities, sexual preferences, etc. they had before joining.
8. The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members.
9. The group is preoccupied with making money.
10. Members are expected to devote inordinate amounts of time to the group and group-related activities.
11. Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members.
12. The most loyal members (“true believers”) feel there can be no life outside the context of the group. They believe there is no other way to be, and often fear reprisals to themselves or others if they leave — or even consider leaving- the group.
13. Members who leave the group are discredited, punished, or even banished. Members aren’t encouraged to associate with ex-members.
14. No meaningful financial disclosure regarding budget or expenses, such as an independently audited financial statement.
15. There is no legitimate reason to leave. Former followers are always wrong in leaving, negative, or even evil.
16. Former members often relate the same stories of abuse and reflect a similar pattern of grievances.
17. There are records, books, news articles, podcasts, or television programs that document the abuses of the group/leader.
18. Followers feel they can never be “good enough.”
19. The group/leader is always right.
20. The group/leader is the exclusive means of knowing “truth” or receiving validation. No other process of discovery is really acceptable or credible.

(Amended from CultEducation.com)

Whew!

Hopefully now it’s a little clearer what constitutes a religion, organized religion, or a cult. If, like me, your religion ticks many cult boxes, it’s time to consider what you will do with this information. My choice was to leave, as is many members’ choice. This can happen in an afternoon or it can take years to extract yourself. There is no “right” way to leave your harmful cult or organized religion.

If you learned your religion may in fact be a cult, you may feel sick in this moment. I know after learning the LDS church ticked nearly every box, I was. Take some deep breaths, eat a piece of chocolate, and find someone you can talk to. Don’t have anyone outside the church? May I suggest Reddit and Facebook? Join any ex-cult member group, you’re welcome! Even if you join an Ex-Mormon group as an Ex-Jehovah’s Witness, this is still your tribe and the people there will understand what you’re going through. Better yet, join the forum on She Who Is Brave, where I hope to build a woman’s community all for us! The point is, you aren’t alone, no matter how your cult/org. religion wants you to feel.

Learning you’re in a cult is gut-wrenching. However, it’s the first vital step towards seeing your “religion” for what it is. This is the first dose of perspective. When you’ve lived so long without it, perspective is disorienting. But by taking a step back to evaluate and analyze, you’re taking a step forward for yourself. You’re able to gain more clarity, and in that clarity, choose what’s best for you. You don’t need to live in fear and subjugation the rest of your life, despite what church leaders tell you.

Asking this vital -brave- question is the first step. Sending love and a hug.