What does it take to be considered “resilient”? Is it being able to keep a cool head when things don’t go according to plan? Is it laughing off challenges? Is it simply bouncing back when life knocks you down? I’m learning it’s all of those things. It’s being able to feel inner safety in the face of change, and being able to accept what is and what will be. Resilience, after religion, is being able to go with the flow, knowing you’ll be fine, no matter the outcome. It’s recognizing there will be things, people, and situations I interpret as “good” and ones I interpret as “bad,” but that none of them need to throw me off course. Why? Because at their core, nothing is inherently, absolutely, unemotionally “bad” or “good,” it’s all perspective. Things just ARE.

Accepting this is what leads to resilience. Not getting swept up in what we like and don’t like, what we interpret as good or bad for us. Simply accepting everything and recognizing the opportunity for growth in all things, especially what we interpret as “bad” for us.

We cannot control much outside of ourselves. Even our own reactions often seem outside our control, and to an extent, they are. We cannot always explain why a comment made us lash out, or why an event sent us into a panic, as the explanation lies somewhere buried in the subconscious. So how do we live a life where so much of our contentment is at the mercy of those around us? How do we maintain inner peace when the news shows us endless horrors? How do we keep our chin up when something we were hoping for doesn’t pan out, or when someone hurts us? How do we breathe when everything in life is a gamble?

We Trust the Universe

We let go. Or at least, we try to. We let go of our expectations, our hopes. Yes, it would be great if X happened, but it’s also cool of Y happens, and I’m fine if Z happens too. By loosening our expectations, we reduce our likelihood of disappointment. We are content regardless of the outcome. We trust that we have no real control of the outcome, we can only influence. We trust that whatever happens is good for us. Always. Even “failure” brings with it wisdom, experience, and perspective. True resilience after religion means to trust, even with the absence of an ever-watchful God, that things will turn out.

Letting go also means trusting the universe to give you what you need. It may sound kooky after coming from a God-fearing religion where God hardly ever gave you what you needed when you asked. But this is not a pray=reward type of trust. This is pure trust, no real effort on your part required.

It means trusting that if you didn’t get that job you applied for, it wasn’t meant for you, rather than raging against your “bad luck.” It’s seeing everything in the world as coming your way for a reason. You called it in. This is harder to do when life really throws you some lemons, such as a death or loss of some kind. Yet if we remind ourselves that everything must come to an end, that nothing lasts forever, we may be more willing to accept these endings when they inevitably come. We may even be able to see the beauty, the completion of a cycle, through this much more open perspective.

We Trust Ourselves

If you trusted yourself, fully and completely, then you would trust yourself to take care of yourself. Whether you get the job or not, regardless of which state or country you live in, no matter what illness or misfortune befalls you, there is a steadying sense of peace and confidence. If you trust yourself, you can take it all in stride, knowing that you have your own back. You don’t need a God to bring you to your feet, if you have yourself.

And when we have ourselves, regardless of if we “succeed” or “fail” at something, it is much easier to bounce back. We no longer see “failures” as such, but rather focus on the new opportunity or growth that came as a result. Instead, we see the lessons learned along the way. It’s all good. That’s the point of developing resilience after religion. It is about replacing our trust and faith in God, and putting it instead in ourselves and the universe. Knowing that disappointment is not forever and things don’t always go as planned, but that the world will keep spinning and we’ll be fine. It’s about not clinging to outcome, but about embracing the rollercoaster of life, playing with the unpredictability.

While it sounds MUCH easier than it actually is, I encourage you to try shifting your perspective to this one of acceptance, self-confidence, and universal-trust. Do what you can to influence, and then trust that whatever happens is for the best, for you to become your best self. Trust that you will be okay, no matter what happens. Then no matter what others interpret as misfortune, you see it clearly for what it is, perfection. There is no hell or punishment waiting, no worthiness meter to worry about, no one to impress, no hard finish lines to strive for.

If we can’t shift our thinking in this way, we will forever see the universe and our lives as something to fight, something requiring struggle to “win.” This perspective only leads to stress, endless striving, and self-blame when things don’t go our planned way. We will see life as an up-hill battle, rather than a pond to play in. By releasing this hold on the future, on our expectations, we allow ourselves to be open to anything, and as a result, become profoundly resilient. It doesn’t matter what happens, the sun will rise tomorrow and so will you.

To get the most out of these messages, I invite you to join the next live circle, happening every Sunday! Come reclaim resilience after religion, along with so much more.