When we heard jokes or stories about “black sheep” we knew we never wanted to be one. They were weird. Loners. The ones people snickered about behind their backs, the ones mother’s advised against associating with, and somehow often the ones we were attracted to. Why this mixture of hatred and curiosity? Because they were different. That’s it.
Anyone who leaves organized religion, or any religion for that matter, are considered official black sheep. Our names written in some imaginary book for all eternity. Black sheep: don’t get too close.
As a woman who’s left religion, your reputation among your past community has officially tanked. You are the same person, and yet, you are viewed through a radically different lens. You are Eve taking a bite of the apple. Associating with you is liken to entertaining the snake that beguiled you. It is as though we reek an odor that can be sensed miles away, a stink parents want to keep away from their children, and one they likely don’t even trust themselves around. We give off a horridly bold potpourri of self-confidence and unapologetic independence. If permitted, they’d likely stuff rags in their door cracks like it was a noxious gas. We are outcasts, rogues; looking to our own wisdom when making decisions, looking out for what is best for ourselves, regardless of what society would prefer. No wonder people don’t like us.
They don’t understand us.
And thanks to close-knit, high-demand religions, they may never. The truth is, that while it is possible for them to understand such a simple concept as self-trust, that kind of mentality is what pulls people away from religion. If you trust yourself, choose what’s best for you, and don’t give into the fear of the unknown, then you’d have no need of religions’ services. If you can care for your emotional needs, bravely explore the many levels of your consciousness, excavate old limiting beliefs while planting new ones, and determine for yourself what you need in life, what need have you of organized religion? What need have you of a savior? What would you need saving from, exactly?
No, religion needs white sheep only. It needs people unwilling to question, eager to follow, and who have no desire to think for themselves. You are the threat. Which is why they have labeled you as such and warned people to be wary. And so your style of dress, manner of speaking and thinking, and the general attitude you have towards life is met with stuffy tolerance, or worse, outright criticism. You make them doubt themselves and what they believe. You make them think. And thinking in religion is bound to make people uncomfortable. Religion does not play nice with critical thinking, let alone the radical ideas of self-love and independence. I repeat: you are the threat.
While it sucks being the misunderstood threat, take heart in knowing that someone out there has or will see you and be inspired by you. You will be the light in their dark world, the flicker of hope they hold onto. You are who they wish they could be. So be brave.
I know it’s lonely sometimes, being so misunderstood, even feared. It sucks to be judged so harshely just for going your own way. If you’re hurting from this, I feel you, sis. I’m sorry it isn’t all rainbows on the other side. It hurts feeling conflicted about being yourself and being accepted by family, friends, and/or community. But just as you left one community, trust that there is more waiting for you to discover. Communities full of black sheep, just like you. Just because we’re independent thinkers, doesn’t mean we have to be alone. There are tons of us, and we each value each other because of our different ways of being and thinking. Your Phoenix Sisterhood here at Rise is only one, there are more waiting. But if you haven’t joined us yet, please do!
So go find them! Find your troop- the ones who love the same weird things as you. Find your people. Or, if it feels more appropriate, embrace being the lone wolf for a while. Treasure your own company, develop profound self-love, and embrace this newfound independence. Take a break from caring what anyone thinks. It’s an addictive feeling most people will never experience. Nurture this and with time, you’ll grow to treasure being a black sheep.
To get the most out of these messages, I invite you to join the next live circle, happening every Sunday! Come embrace being a black sheep after religion, along with so much more!
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