They say if an animal grows up in captivity, and is then released into the wild, it will struggle to survive. This is because it’s used to having all its needs met, having a strict schedule, and hasn’t nurtured its instincts. It doesn’t know what it needs or how to fulfill those needs. Women who have grown up in religion are very similar to animals who have grown up in cages. No animal in a cage feels they are capable of controlling their life.
Religion Is A Cage
Harsh, I know. But consider how many choices you got to make on a daily basis while a devout member. Consider what you thought you were capable of controlling in your life. If your religion was anything like mine, I’d wager you’ll have trouble thinking of even two aspects of your life in which you were sovereign. That’s because women in religion are controlled. And the reason for this control is so that we feel powerless, incapable of surviving without religion. They hope if we leave we feel helpless, lost, and alone. They’re banking on it, in fact. So much so that they villainize sovereign women, and even encourage women to judge each other on how righteous (ie disciplined) they are. Judge that woman for working while raising children, another for wearing a dress which ends above the knee, another for drinking a little too much. On and on it goes. They wanted us to feel superior to women they deemed rebellious. As though we should have felt pride for following all the rules, for never rattling our cage. They created a system in which we prided ourselves on being captive, and judged others for breaking their chains.
But now you’ve broken the very chains you may have once seen as protecting you. And doubt creeps in at every corner. How can you possibly take life into your own hands? What do you even believe now? How do you go about getting what you want? What do you even want?
Doubting Is Normal
Outside religion, it’s normal to wonder if you’re capable of controlling your life. You may doubt your purpose and struggle to even determine who you really are beneath the good girl they raised you to be. I’m here to tell you that you are beyond capable. If you made the monstrously difficult and self-empowering choice to leave religion, or even to question it, then let this act of rebellion and self-trust prove it to you. You knew what you wanted, and it wasn’t a life in religion. You knew that you had a bigger purpose than what they gave you. Despite all their striving, you chose yourself. And choosing yourself, over and over again, is the key to being in control of your life, to feeling capable of controlling your life. Add in occasional moments of reflection and you’ve got a recipe for sovereignty.
You are in control now, and you are more than capable of leading your new life. There is no right or wrong choices. There is no measurement of worthiness. No one is watching and judging, no one has the answers, and no one knows what’s best for your life but you. Only you determine your capabilities.
Find Others To Truly Thrive
Yet it doesn’t end with you. The secret key to truly thriving, not just surviving, after you’ve left religion, is to find others embarking on the same journey. This is why many people don’t leave religion, they fear they’ll be alone and won’t succeed, resulting in returning to their religion in shame. But when captive animals are released from captivity in groups, they show remarkably higher likelihoods of thriving (BBC Earth). Such a group can be found right here, among your Phoenix sisters, all women who’ve left captivity religion. More and more women are leaving every day. It is these women we must connect with, confide in, and grow with. We each help each other, sharing wisdom we gain, experiences we’ve learned from, and even personal trauma we’re recovering from.
We are stronger together, this is true. But ultimately, the choice to be a sovereign woman is yours, and yours alone. You have the capability. It’s now only a matter of self-belief. So begin telling yourself that you believe you have the capability. Change those ingrained limiting-beliefs into empowering beliefs. It takes time, but over time, you’ll surprise yourself with your confidence, self-trust, and by how well you know yourself and what you want in life.
It’s Not Always Sunshine- But it Is Always Freeing
It’s not all sunshine outside the cage. Trust however, that once the rain and thunder stop, there are clear skies and rainbows. And accept that even blue skies don’t last forever, of course there’ll be more rain and thunder. Embrace the highs and lows of life after religion. One of the secrets is to believe that there are clear skies after the rain. Believe, with everything in you, that rainbows are on the way.
To get the most out of these messages, I invite you to join the next live circle, happening every Sunday! Come reclaim control over your life after religion, along with so much more.
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