I, your inner Queen, have left the Council Chamber to share a proclamation with you. Bring wine, you’ll need it.

Today I wish to bring to your attention the not so subtle spell that Patriarchy has been casting on women for centuries. It is the spell that has young girls clamoring to be princesses, but not queens. It has young women staying in secretarial or assistant jobs without ambition to take a higher position they are worthy of. And worst of all, it has the women who do manage to obtain some power, independence, or wealth ostracized by the rest of the female class.

And whether you realize it or not, it has worked its magic on you in the must subtle of ways, ensuring you stay small, dependent, and always putting a man’s ambitions ahead of your own, with the belief that if you do, you’ll be loveable.

This is not an accident, it is very much intentional. What better way to get you to fear a position of power and to associate independence with loneliness than to paint these women as Wicked Queens, miserable and dead inside?

The Wicked Queen: A Cautionary Tale

As girls, they showed you “Wicked Queens” in your fairytales. Each woman was the same. Powerful, unmarried, childfree, independent. And every one of them was called wicked. Ursula, the evil sea witch, a demon, a monster! Maleficent, the mistress of all evil. Even Snow White’s step mother was simply referred to as The Evil Queen. But there was something else these women shared: an all-consuming jealousy of the younger women the stories focused on. While not a queen, even Lady Tremaine, Cinderella’s stepmother, was also overtaken with this envy. And what did they envy about these young girls? Their beauty, of course.

These movies and stories had, and still have, a profound impact on young girls who are learning who to be in this world. It teaches them, in no uncertain terms, that the most important thing is their beauty and to be desired by a man, and that to have power is to make them “wicked” and vain.

The spell’s power didn’t dissipate you matured, it only became more subtle. Wicked Queens manning towers and poisoning princesses became Ice Queens manning board rooms and sabotaging young women they envied. You get Cersei Lannister, who will stop at nothing to be ruler. You get women like Miranda Priestly, called “The Dragon Lady” and “Snow Queen” and of course, the title of the movie, “Devil.”

But is Miranda such a horrible person worthy of such titles? If her emotional detachment, ruthlessness, and commanding presence had been displayed by a man, he would be praised for it. A successful business tycoon. A hero! For these are qualities a business wants and needs in a leader. The problem is that Patriarchy doesn’t want these qualities in women, so when a woman does obtain a position of leadership and authority, i.e. power, she is harshly judged for it. Patriarchy wants you to avoid these positions and instead assume the roles of assistant, secretary, homemaker, and any other role to support a man’s ambitions. And because you have been conditioned to see male approval as an indicator of your worthiness, you and most women have side-stepped these positions purely to avoid these little nicknames.

You see, my darling, you hold yourself back on the premise that staying small makes you more desirable to men. Whether you are single or not, it doesn’t matter. The programming to to seek male validation from every male in the room. This is all done unconsciously, of course. The programming and conditioning has gone on for generations, so long you may hardly notice it. But on some level, you have. Which is why I’m bringing it up from your subconscious mind.

If You Fear Your Power, You’ll Support His

Let us take just a moment for a vocabulary lesson. When a man in power is described, he may be called logical, decisive, bold, clever, ambitious, determined, confident, assertive, direct, and passionate. However, the exact same traits get a very different, very negative term when displayed by a woman. She is called cold, rash, foolish, calculating, selfish, stubborn, arrogant, bossy, outspoken, and emotional. It’s remarkable to see all the terms laid out, isn’t it? And ask yourself, how often have you heard a man described by terms like calculating, bossy, cold, or emotional? How often is a male leader called selfish for having a career and not spending more time at home and with his wife?

And there you have it. The source of male bitterness revealed. A woman in leadership, with a career, will be spending less time doting on her partner and caring for the house and children, meaning he will need to step up to help. Alternatively, a woman with a successful career may be too busy to care for children and a home, and will have her own money, and so may choose to remain single and childfree – happily, I might add. This really upsets Patriarchy, for in the male-dominated Patriarchal society, a woman is meant to be serving a man, so he can go out and do great things. A woman should need a man. A woman should be dependent on a man. And women with queen-energy are utterly independent and need no man.

Which is why they make sure to have every Wicked Queen be miserable. The thing these Dragon Lady’s all want, deep down, is the love of a man. This can either fuel her deplorable ways or is revealed behind closed doors. The message they are sending is clear: All the power and success in the world won’t make you happy unless you have a man. So these fictional women tear down young women who have love, they steal men away, they make it difficult for young women to find love. Ursula becomes Vanessa to compete for Prince Eric’s hand. Maleficent ensures the only cure for Aurora’s sleeping curse is true love’s kiss, and then does everything she can to prevent the prince from reaching her. The Evil Queen is so consumed with jealousy for Snow White’s beauty that she orders her hunted down and killed. Cersei Lannister constantly tries to sabotage Sansa Stark.

So not only are you taught that to have power and authority and independence will make you miserable, cold, and despised, you also are taught not to trust women in power. Therefore, even if a girl was to come into contact with an empowered woman, rather than take her counsel or seek her friendship, she is automatically wary.

In a final effort to curtail the rise of these “Ice Queens,” Patriarchy ensures that only one seat can be available for you at the table. They ensure women fill the roles of secretaries and assistants, and ensure men fill the roles of managers and CEOs. Statistically, women are less likely to be approved for business loans, and when they are, they are cleared for far less money. But even if a woman were to beat the odds and get the job/raise, get the loan, start the successful company, she would still be ultimately negatively judged by society for pursuing a career over family, a judgement men never receive.

This is a masterfully crafted spell cast by Patriarchy to keep women in subservient positions, fearing your own independence, and avoiding those few women who obtain power. Seeing this makes it suddenly quite clear why so few women are in positions of leadership, pursue traditionally “masculine” studies like science and math, and why powerful women often have so few female friends.

This is by design.

When Women Step Into Leadership, Great Things Happen

Now, before you think it’s hopeless and that women may as well just stay at home or remain the helpful secretary, I want to tell you what happens when a woman does obtain power and is in a position of leadership. While she may not be caring for children, she is doing great good in the world. Female leaders are very rarely the selfish, jealous, cold demons Patriarchy paints them as. As proof, here are just 4 (out of many) female leaders you should know about which will hopefully shatter the Ice Queen image in your head when you consider female leaders.

First up, Ellen Johnson Sirleaf. She was President of Liberia for a time, Africa’s first elected female head of state. Not only did she rebuild a war-torn country, restoring its economy and creating an environment where business and institutions could thrive, but she was a huge advocate for women’s empowerment, peace, and justice. She founded The Amujae Initiative to prepare African women for peak public leadership roles.

Now let’s look to the first female head of a major automaker, Mary Barra. She is CEO and Chairman of General Motors. Mary had to steer this beast of a company through a major crisis in 2014 involving a faulty ignition switch. Instead of bailing or shifting blame, she demonstrated transparency & accountability, completely overhaling GM’s corporate culture. Mary’s leadership revitalized Detroit’s economy and she pushed the broader automotive industry toward sustainability through her endorsement of more electronic vehicles, resulting in significantly lower national carbon footprints. In addition, Mary actively champions women to enter the fields of STEM and through her leadership GM has directed substantial funding and resources to promote STEM education for young girls and underrepresented minorities.

How about Jacinda Ardern? She was New Zealand’s Prime Minister for six years! Under her leadership, child poverty dropped by over 40%! She ensured that the minimum wage was increased by 34% and created the world’s first Well-Being budget. She invested billions of dollars into mental health and even made primary healthcare free for children under 14. She banned assault weapons in just six days! And she built one of the most diverse parliaments in the world with 48% women!

But women don’t just need to lead on their own. Incredible things happen when women occupy several seats of power because they can unify their compassionate intentions, clever thinking, and passion for a better world. Just look at what happened in Ecuador, when after the 2025 election the National Assembly rose to 45% women. These women got to work and created The Care Economy law, which formally recognized unpaid care work and provided social protections for caregivers, recognizing approximately 552k women who were engaged in unpaid labor as of October 2024. But they didn’t stop there. They also mandated equal pay for women and gender equality plans to be put in place. In addition, they opened reparations to over 1800 families of femicide victims, to help these families begin the healing process. They also expanded financing, tax relief, and business training for women entrepreneurs ensuring more women could step into positions of independence and stability.

These are your real queens. They are not vain and selfish, cold and calculating, or wicked and ruthless. They are ambitious in all the right ways. They lift other women up, they don’t hold them back or sabotage them. They create better worlds. They pursue justice and peace, healing and wellness. When women lead, amazing things happen. And more women are stepping up than ever before. The time for fearing our power is coming to an end. And you play a vital role in breaking the spell.

So my love, when you next consider stepping into power, don’t doubt yourself. You are not a cold Ice Queen, that is merely a threat to keep you small and serving some man’s ambitions. Think of the real women who obtained power and the positive effects on the world they are having. These are not isolated women, this is the standard when women lead. Don’t fear your power, embrace it. The world needs it now more than ever.

With a bow,

Your Inner Queen