I, your inner Queen, have come with a venom-filled clapback to the term every woman who owns her power has been called: Bitch.

What a bitch!

If you flinched when you read that, this transmission is for you.

The term “bitch” is fascinating. Originally it was used to describe a female dog, interesting in itself as we have no term for a male dog. But in 1400 AD it became a derogatory term for women deemed promiscuous, likening us to a dog in heat. Then in the 16th century it expanded to include any woman who displayed so-called “masculine” qualities, such as being domineering. While laughably enough, the term could now also be applied to men, if they displayed so-called “feminine” qualities. Interesting. So if a woman is masculine, bitch. If a man is feminine…bitch. Hmm.

In essence, “bitch” is just used as an insult to women no matter who it’s being attached to. A little term meant to keep women (and men) from venturing outside the barbed-wired parameters Patriarchy created for them. But for women especially, this term has blown up to include effectively every quality or characteristic deemed undesirable by men. If we are not submissive and accommodating in ANY way, we are called a bitch.

If we don’t laugh at the sexist joke, we’re a bitch.

If we go for the promotion, and get it, — bitch.

If we send our food back because it was mistakenly prepared, — bitch.

If we don’t shrink when we express a differing view, — bitch.

If we turn down ANY man who asks us on a date, such a bitch.

If we don’t have sex with a man,— bitch.

If we don’t adore our mother-in-law, — bitch.

If we don’t love the company of children, — total bitch.

If we want to remain single, — bitch.

If we refuse to smile on command, — complete bitch.

If we say no, to virtually anything, — biiiiitch.

If we don’t act eternally grateful, — bitch.

If we don’t forgive him for the 3000th time and continue to take the abuse, — such a bitch.

If we have any boundaries, at all, — mega bitch.

If we don’t take shit from colleagues or classmates, — bitch.

If we have to make tough calls as a boss, — bitch

If we’re simply sitting, minding our own damn business, — resting bitch face.

For fuck’s sake.

And on, and on, and ON it goes. There is virtually nothing a woman can do that won’t get her labeled a bitch. The bullshit part is that you’ll notice that it’s always when we voice a need, set a boundary, or strive to better our lives. Because it ultimately means, if we are valuing our own comfort, we are NOT prioritizing whatever male is before us.

What. A. Bitch.

The Threat of Being “A Bitch”

The reason I lay out these specific examples is because it’s imperative that women understand truly what is behind this term. Bitch actually means: not all-accommodating. It actually means having preferences, standards, & needs, — and not being afraid to state them. It means having an opinion, having boundaries. It means taking up space. Having ambition. Being driven. And basically, not allowing yourself to be treated like dirt. You know, being a human with self-respect.

And men want us to fear this. They want us to fear the name so much that we’ll lower our standards, tolerate discomfort, and pretend to be the quiet, submissive, and polite “good girl” they were taught women should be.

It’s a threat: Don’t be labeled a bitch, or you’ll be deemed undesirable by men.

(Cue crazed laughter) Oh my god. That’s the biggest threat they have.

Shrink, apologize, submit so…men like us? (sigh)

If we’ve learned anything at this point in the transmission, it is that the average man is programmed to hate women because they are programmed to hate the feminine in themselves. Which means it is actually crazy to contort ourselves in order to be considered desirable by men. CRAZY!

But now that we know why we bend over backwards to avoid this little term, can we all just collectively agree to stop? Because let’s get real, how many of us can honestly say we prefer being the uncomfortable but desirable “good girl”? And likewise, how many of us have at one time or another held our head high when we did the “bitchy” thing like stating a boundary? Exactly. Despite what we’ve grown up to believe, being the bitch actually feels fucking better.

So it’s pretty simple, ladies. We must stop seeing ourselves and our sisters through men’s eyes. When our top priority is no longer being liked by men…we’re free.

A Bitch By Any Other Name

Because the truth is that deep down, women know this term is bullshit. A term meant purely to control us, to demean us in every way, just as every term they have to describe women wherein there is no male equivalent. And boy oh boy, are there a lot of them.

They all seek to either control a woman’s sexuality, insult her physical appearance, or criticize her behaviors. But all of them are ways that say: this woman is not performing according to my standards. Waaa!

If she owns her sexuality, she’s a slut, a whore, a tart, a hussy, a skank, a ho. She’s easy. Jezebel. Likewise, if she isn’t generous enough with her sexuality, she’s called a prude or a tease.

If she ages or isn’t beautiful enough or even just appears to not prioritize her appearance, she becomes a hag, a crone, a spinster, a dog, a bat, a donkey, a frump.

If her personality is too “assertive” or simply not feminine enough, she’ll be called a shrew, a nag, a ball-buster, a harpy, a battle-ax. She’s the Dragon lady, a she-devil, a Karen, a bitch, a cunt.

If they seek to infantize or dismiss her, thereby striping any authority, maturity, or intelligence from her, they’ll call her a bimbo, a chick, a broad, an airhead, a dumb blonde, a dame, a girl, or simply address her by honey, sweetie or baby.

Then of course, pussy, which is always used as an insult for both men and women.

There Will Always Be Terms for Uncontrollable Women

What does this tell us about what men, ie The Patriarchy, think about women, about the feminine?

I don’t need to spell it out, they’ve made it quite clear they abhor women. A woman is described by her physical features, her silence, her bedroom performance, and her mothering abilities. Men are described by their ambition, work ethic, achievements, creativity, and intelligence. To this day, I’ve yet to hear a man described as “difficult.” The only insults a man can receive are terms the Patriarchy has attributed to the feminine, identifying him as cowardly, weak, or subordinate.

There is a reason men have so many damn terms to insult and dismiss women, and they keep adding new terms all the time, hoping to scare us into submission. So why would we keep striving to avoid them all instead of seeing these assholes for what they are? Insecure little crybabies who wail when they don’t get their way.

Let the Crybabies Cry

Think of it this way, picture a little girl playing with a toy and then a little boy comes over and tries to take it from her. The girl being robbed has two options: she can give up her toy to the boy, OR she can take her toy and leave. If she chooses the first, she is the one who ends up without a toy and the little brat who stole it now knows he can steal her toy whenever he wants. However, if she were to choose the second option, taking her toy and leaving, the little boy would of course initiate a temper tantrum. Because he never learned how to share or to ask permission, he is used to getting what he wants. He may call her a “poo poo head” but does this make her one? Absolutely fucking not. The boy is just upset he didn’t get his way and is lashing out.

If this isn’t behavior we’d encourage in children, why the fuck are we condoning it in adulthood? The term Bitch could essentially be heard as “poo-poo head.” Not a reason to feel bad or alter our behavior, but a reason to bark out laughing.

So while a man can still call us a bitch for voicing our opinion or denying him sex or (insert any ridiculous reason), that word doesn’t need to be interpreted by us as anything other than “a woman with a spine.” It’s just a term, and we get to determine what meaning it has.

They can call us bitch and we’ll hear it as “waaaa! I feel emasculated! Waaaa you aren’t minimizing yourself for me! Waaaa I don’t like hearing no! Poo-poo head!”

And why would we care about their waling and name-calling? Bunch of pathetic cry babies.

If we’re going to be insulted for virtually everything we do, whether we’re considered too masculine, not feminine enough, or in some way, not catering to the men we encounter, this is no reason for us to be the ones upset.

Quite the contrary.

It means we’re doing something right. It means we’re outside their control. It means we’re performing in a way that is unpredictable, uncontrollable, and unaccommodating. And that means we deserve respect, not self-shame.

Flip the Damn Script

This is my urgent plea to all my sisters tuning in: don’t submit, don’t soften, don’t dilute yourselves until you are easily digestible. Let. Them. Choke. Let their mouths hang open at your “audacity” to have a spine, to take up space, to use your voice. Stop living your life to appease men who will never be judged by the same standards. Stop shrinking yourself to avoid a word. Instead, make them squirm by forcing them to unpack it.

Listen for when the term is used and notice who’s using it. Ask them point-blank: “why does that make me/her a bitch?” Make them explain themselves. In that awkward moment, the truth is revealed: “Oh, you’re just mad she didn’t shrink/stay quiet/take the abuse/act as the 50s housewife you were promised? That makes her a bitch huh?” Flip it around and make THEM uncomfortable. Then, maybe call them what THEY are: controlling, insecure, demanding.

Words only have power if we let them.

• Slut: a woman who owns her sexuality in every way imaginable.
• Cunt: A woman who is strong, ambitious, and has fantastic boundaries.
• Bitch: A woman who self-advocates, speaks her truth, and is utterly authentic.

Fuck. Now those are some terms for women. This is what we must do. Reframe these words so they are no longer words we silence ourselves to avoid.

The Bitch is Respected – Which Is 100x Better Than Being Desirable

Learn to celebrate being called a bitch. Because it’s not a threat to be a woman who honors herself. It’s a threat to those who want to control her.

The bitch gets respect, the bitch gets results, the bitch is happy.

So the next time someone calls you a bitch or a cunt, stop and remember: they’re simply whining that you aren’t sacrificing or minimizing yourself for them. Take it as the compliment it is: you are seen as a threat to the Patriarchy. Wear the term like the fucking crown it is.

Be. The. Bitch.

With a bow to you and your bitchiness,

Your Inner Queen