Witch. Whore. Bitch. The patriarchy has always had plenty of colorful terms for empowered women. And they’ve always been negative. But that’s the thing about fears. They usually aren’t given pretty names.
What is it that these women have in common? And how did they make these terms something for women to fear? Let’s peel back the layers and find out what really terrifies the Patriarchy.
Let’s start with the witch. Painted with a warty nose stirring a cauldron as she whispers devilish incantations. She was burned for her supposed magic, which they claimed was earned through a deal with the devil. The magic of midwifery, of herbalism, of astrology, of rituals and ceremony, of intuition. She who was in tune with the earth, the cosmos, her womb, and other women. In other cultures far enough back, she would have been called Priestess, Shaman, or Wise Woman, her wisdom honored. In essence, a woman who not only had power, but power that a man simply didn’t possess nor comprehend. Witch.
Next up, the whore, the one with the most names of all. She may be called slut, temptress, siren, hussy, harlot, tramp, hoe, and more. These terms are given to women who are in some way in control of, or simply aware of, their sexuality, with the hopes of shaming it. The prostitute may sell, the slut may be generous, the temptress may get what she wants first, and the siren may leave you in tears. This woman owns her sexual power; which means a man does not. Whore.
The bitch. Ah, the bitch. This all-encompassing little workhorse of a term serves as the ultimate catch-all for women that anger the patriarchy. This is the woman who is loud, bossy, aggressive, opinionated, aka “nasty” – you know, all the things men can be but are instead called commanding, authoritative, assertive etc. This is the woman who does mind, the woman who does have something to say, the woman who goes for the promotion. Which makes her a threat to men’s positions, voices, and authority. Bitch.
These women are the difficult women. The ones men warn us about becoming. The unlovable ones.
The Dark Feminine is Born
Which leaves only one “type” of woman that is acceptable to the Patriarchy. She doesn’t challenge, doesn’t desire, doesn’t speak. She serves, submits, and shrinks. She is the one who makes men feel better about themselves. And she is the one most women are taught to be. She is the maiden and the mother rolled into one. She is Eve.
So where do women stuff everything that isn’t the all-accommodating, soft-spoken, shy, and submissive “woman”? Where does the rest of her go? It’s not as if women aren’t born with minds, with ambition, with the desire to control their destiny and their body. So where do we put these parts we sever off?
Into our shadow, to be shamed, repressed, and forgotten alongside all of our other less-desirable human traits. These many sides are chained to the walls alongside our actual shadow side. She is what we now recognize as the Dark Feminine. She is not our Shadow; the cluster of all we shame in ourselves and others: the selfish, wicked, manipulative, lazy, judgmental etc. side. But you wouldn’t know it, as all of these parts of women have been shoved into the same dark space to be feared. Our sexuality is seated next to our jealousy, our ambition seated next to our cruelty.
But we are not to blame. The Dark Feminine is an exact result of the Patriarchy. We call it “Dark” not because these sides are truly “dark” but because they’ve been mistakenly labeled as such. They’ve been twisted up with our actual dark sides for so long, many women truly cannot tell the difference. So we feel just as much shame for our bodies as we do for thinking mean thoughts, we feel the need to repress our opinions just as we repress our insults. The Dark Feminine is simply everything the Patriarchy feels is a threat to its power.
The Patriarchy’s Ideal Woman
And so us women twisted and contorted ourselves to fit into the wife-worthy mold. Not out of desire, not because we understood their fear, but because once upon a time marriage meant our survival. Leaving us no choice but to walk the tightrope of what it was to be “feminine” and desirable; a concept I’m still struggling to understand as it is ever evolving.
According to the Patriarchy, women aren’t meant to have careers, because that’s a man’s role in the relationship. But we also can’t be poor or else we’re called “gold-diggers.” We can’t have too much intelligence or challenge a man’s opinions or views, but we have to have some brains to avoid being called “a dumb blonde,” a title we earn regardless of hair color. We have to care about our appearance to not be seen as “not trying”, but we can’t look as if we’re “trying too hard.” We need to appear demure and innocent on dates to avoid being labeled “easy”, but must transform into a minx by date three or else be labeled a “prude.” We are also strictly forbidden from being faster/stronger/funnier/etc. then men too.
My god. Is it any wonder women are exhausted? This is the super masculine “male” the Patriarchy created for women to dilute themselves for. A man so fragile that if a woman beats him in a beer chugging contest he is humiliated and she is to be shamed for it. It was her job to make him feel “like a man”. This system isn’t helping anyone. But it’s especially not helping women.
Yet this is still the system the Patriarchy is clinging to: the days when women relied on men for survival and would become whatever they wanted. Fortunately for women, those days are long gone. And now, most men are struggling to figure out exactly what it is they want in a woman. Do they want Eve or Lilith? Do they want a woman who can pay for her meal or one who relies on him? Do they want a partner or do they want a mommy? And women are entirely done chopping off parts of themselves to appear smaller for the sake of men’s fragile egos. If a man is so insecure with himself that he will only date a woman so long as she is “lesser” than him in every way, he is not a man any woman should aspire to be with.
Become Their Nightmare
Women, hear me: There is nothing to fear about your sexuality, your ambitions, your confidence, your voice, your intelligence, your magic. All of this fear was given to you by men who didn’t have it, didn’t understand it, and couldn’t control it. Your survival is no longer dependent upon being “chosen”, so there is no longer the need to play small. The time for reclamation is upon us, and all of your sisters are counting on you joining in.
The time to retrieve your feminine magic from the shadows is here, and if she’s pissed when you meet her, now you know why. Don’t fear her, embrace her. She holds all the power, all the joy, all the love you’ve been craving. Don’t tame her rage, don’t temper her ambition, don’t cover her up anymore. She has a lot of time to make up for. Let their nightmare be your living dream.
If you’re hoping to awaken your Dark Feminine, I urge you to first tap into your rage. Then dance that shit out! Join me in the flames of Shadow Ignite, an embodied reclamation of the feminine power they tried to tame. We don’t dance for admiration, we dance for reclamation. Come embody the 5 Faces of the Dark Feminine and reclaim everything they tried to take.
